Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
