I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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