Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
