I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
