Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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