The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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