My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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