Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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