I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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