He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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