Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How does one acquire holy water?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
