So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
