There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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