I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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