he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
