i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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