dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
