I wish my penis had an off switch
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your penis caused this!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
