I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
