I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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