wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
