i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize