I wish I could punch you in the face.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
