I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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