first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
