I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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