On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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