I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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