you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
