She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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