so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
