life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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