maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this will be a night to untag.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
