Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
