So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize