the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
