We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
