I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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