I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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