Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
