You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
