i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
