When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
