so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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