WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
