3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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