Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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