You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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