I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
