Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
