fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
