a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this must be what syphilis tastes like
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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