maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
