i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
