I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
