...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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