Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
