did you get engaged???
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
