i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
