What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
