I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
