There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
