I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
