brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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