For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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