you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize