my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
